‘Californication’ is the definition of love/hate television.  The Showtime hit (just wrapped up its fifth season) that chronicles an alcoholic writer who just can’t keep his shit together is something I can’t stop watching (this is admitting the show being unwatchable for a couple years now).  I know going into the experience what will most likely happen.  It has been the same story arc for the past five seasons, but still, here I am, watching Hank Moody fuck and drink himself into forgiveness by Karen and daughter, Becca.  Anyway, (deep breath), let’s talk about the season five finale.

Hank is out and about “putting out fires” and appears happy.  The reason for his happiness?  Surprisingly it’s not alcohol, but rather that Karen is taking him back (again) now that her and Bates have broken up (Bates came to the conclusion that he needs to be out in the wild, his final scene was him grabbing a bottle of something strong and heading out the door) and are giving it another chance (again).  Becca’s dude, Tyler, is at the movie set for Samarai Apocalypse horrible movie and is about to get a beat down by Apocalypse for messing with his girl.  Moody shows up and tries to talk sense, but Apocalypse pulls a gun on Tyler.  In a very UN-Hank like move, Moody steps in front of Tyler (stepping in front of the gun), Samarai shoots, but the bullet doesn’t hit Hank and instead hits a flying Charlie ala “Bodyguard” in the arm.  By the way, all of this happens in about two minutes.  After, everyone is okay with everything. Nothing to see here! If the “Rick Springfield” episodes from season three weren’t enough for you to throw up your arms and yell “I’m out”, then this should have done it.  Karen is waiting for Moody so in typical Hank fashion he decides to stop off at Charlie’s on the way home.  His ex, the psycho Carrie is there waiting for him.  Predictably Hank gets drugged and raped and now Karen is going to be pissed.  The End.

So what’s next for this show?  My guess is more of the same.  See Hank fuck.  See Hank drink.  See Hank sleep on couch.  See Karen forgive.  UNLESS the “shoot-up” finale scene is a warning that season six will change everything we know, well then, we don’t have a lot to look forward to.  The best thing that could have happened to the show was getting cancelled after the first season.  Each season after has been redundant.  Why do I keep watching?  The same reason I continued to watch Entourage after it became unwatchable, I’m curious to see how it ends.  (Yes, even if I already know the answer.  Yes, I am sick.)  That is the hate part of the relationship.


David S. Grant is the author of “Blood: The New Red”, follow David on Twitter @david_s_grant