jetpack3

by Kennesaw Taylor

I remember my step dad telling me I would never live to see the year 2000. Sorry if this offends you, but I did and he didn’t and I’m glad, you’d have had to be there. While that prediction was a dire one and ultimately untrue, there are others I was kind of looking forward to.

What happened to those flying cars of the future? This, my friend is a true redneck’s dream. Only problem, the only ones I’ve ever seen was an uncle who attached a prop to one end of a Volkswagen engine and a milk crate to the other, then used it to fly around the yard. Or the guy who attached several weather balloons to his lawn chair and cooler full of Budweiser almost attaining orbit before being pulled over by the F.F.A.

If they develop them, gas will be so costly that you’ll need to save for a week to take a trip around the block. The insurance company will need to invent an entirely new type of insurance and it will be so costly that as a baby, you’ll need to sign contracts forfeiting twenty-five percent of your life’s income to cover it and all the other creative types of insurance they continue to invent. Flying cars will cost approximately a hundred grand as a hundred grand is the new ten grand and twenty-five cents is the new dollar.

How about robots made out of tungsten steal with bald heads, but otherwise anatomically correct? Robots with names like Laura or Luke 7000 who can fulfill all a man or woman’s fantasies and never have headaches. Woody Allen sold us this one. What happened with the other 6999, were there testing accidents, how does one become a test dummy for such products?

skycar

I learned yesterday that at least one of those futuristic insanities we looked forward to, has come to pass. Has anyone seen a Zainojet? It’s pretty cool; it uses water to fly and is the first jetpack designed for those of us without a cushy government job. It costs about three hundred bucks for a thirty minute flight. Those who try it say you can’t stand much more than that anyway. What, is that about ten bucks a minute? I bet it’s worth it.

So, the world has gone crazy when a person will wait in line for several nights to buy an iPhone, but imagine what it’ll be like when apple releases its first Kardashian 127, there will be no need for 7000 models as the bugs have been worked out of that model already.

If the future ever arrives, we won’t be able to afford the gas to spend thirty minutes in a flying car and I’ll be too old to stand the excitement of spending thirty minutes strapped to a jetpack or my personal favorite the exhilaration of spending thirty minutes with the first Ellie Mae Clampit 7000 or Peg Bundy 15.5

Kennesaw Taylor

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