By Kennesaw

Considering how free we are, we sure are tied to lots of things. Remember when wives were referred to as balls and chains? Now I pods and cell phones are. Of course both inadvertently assist those wives in knowing where a man is, at all times. Cell phones could more accurately be called MPS’s or Male Positioning Systems. Everyone knows that a man, who don’t know where he is, or more importantly, a man whose wife don’t know where he is, is in danger of doing something wrong. I’ve learned that a man is in danger of doing something wrong if he knows where he is or not.

Everywhere you go, people of all ages are tied to I pods and other stuff designed to bombard their minds with music. I like music, but I need time to think too. Don’t you? There are no more stimulating conversations on the buses or sidewalks, OK, I guess there were never any in the first place, but you always remember things better than they were. You know, like people who refer to the depression as the good ole days.

Now, if you need to ask directions, the person you ask will need to pull ear buds from their ears and will not be happy when they do. In some ways it’s not too bad, you don’t have to hear stupid conversations, music keeps the simple mind occupied and the simple mouth shut. That is, until you get down to the simplest of minds. In some cases you must wonder, how many people it took to train a monkey to use an I phone.

Have you ever sat down beside someone on a bus or in a restaurant who could not constrain their mouth or worse their entire body? I’m talking about those who cannot keep themselves from singing out loud; to a song only they can hear or worse keep themselves from dancing to it. Isn’t it always those who should never sing and dance, who do this? It makes for a long bus or train ride if there is a gelatinous dude near you, undulating like he’s having a seizure and singing It’s Rainin Men, in a voice which sounds like cats fighting in an alley. This while wearing purple tights which are working hard to contour to a shape unimagined by the designers of tights.

I remember buying a new Television years ago and the three extra cables that came with it. They were packaged in their own little plastic baggie. I, being a man, knew exactly what to do with a Television and after plugging it into the wall and turning it on, placed the baggie of cables into the junk drawer. One day I might want to read the manual and learn what they were for or I might one day be able to afford whatever they attached to, but this is where they would stay until I moved.

While packing they were placed in a sandwich sized Ziploc baggie. With every move that baggie grew, changing to a quart sized baggie and eventually to a box just for extra cables. Why is it that Americans cannot throw away worthless stuff?

It just keeps getting worse. Now there are cables to connect your phone to the wall, to the computer, to the camera and then there are still three more you have no idea what to do with. With all this, you still need to buy one to charge your phone in your car, but Best Buy will have it. There are likewise, cables to connect your Television to all the above and cables to connect your computer to all this and more.

In my computer bag there are cables to connect external web cams, speakers and hard drives, cameras, mikes, headphones, ear buds, televisions and stereos. For those wealthier than I am, there are cables to connect computers to homes. Why is it that although I sort and individually fold said cables once a week, when I need one, they are all tied together in one knot? How is it that you never have the one cable you need to perform a specific task, but Best Buy always does and it always cost more than the computer you own?

Don’t get me started on texting.. Texting while driving has become more dangerous than DUI. It just goes to prove that if you cannot walk and chew gum at the same time, what makes you think, you can think, talk, text, drive and chew gum at the same time.

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